I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
