i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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