my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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