I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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