you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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