its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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