my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
