The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
