I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
