My hand turned me down
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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