If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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