glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
