Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
