She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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