this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
