From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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