i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have aggressive nipples.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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