You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
