I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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