In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
