i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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