Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
