So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
