Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I will pee on everything he values.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
