I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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