my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
