He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
