girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
