the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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