I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
