wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
