She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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