So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
