Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
