david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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