You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
