Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
