Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
