It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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