Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
