Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
