I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
