fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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