I smell stomach acid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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