is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
