I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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