he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
