Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
