Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
