tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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