Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
