It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize