Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
