Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
