Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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