Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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