what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
