4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
