Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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