OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
