the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is wine microwaveable?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
