Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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