I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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