First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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