Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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