Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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