yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
soo... how was my night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
