Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
