Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
